My job

Who am I? This is not Jackie Chan or Spiderman movie review. It just a question that I asked myself quite often. How to define oneself? Apart from having your full name, IC number and address printed on MyKad, who am I? The true me, the real me. How to define me? To CSI I'm just a piece of flesh, scaffolded by a heap of bones and wrapped by the largest human organ, the skin. Apart from being a humble servant of God, who am I?

Since I don't have the answer at the moment, why don't I look my self in a career point of view? I would gladly divide my career into two functions: in the office and at home (homemaker is also a career if anybody is wondering why I put it this way).

Who am I in the office?
In the ant colony, I would be grouped as a worker, not a soldier or far away from being a Queen. What did I do every working hours? Reading, editing, arranging words, selecting pictures, chasing the always-missed-deadline, chasing people who are reluctant to meet the deadline and if no writing turns up on my email - I will be waiting doing nothing. And its always like that. It is fun sometimes, coz you can simply blogging and socializing on the Net. But most of the time this is the very part that I hated most in my career. The performance indicator told me that there is no room for career expansion in the next five years. The worst thing is I may be here until retirement, doing the same job that I have been doing since March 2003. There are times when I luv my job very much - doing research and writing about. It is a mind-blowing job, sometimes tedious, but often rewarding to me coz I learn a lot from my readings - from text to numbers. Even though I can only produce one article or assignment from days of searching and researching, it's worth the effort,

Who am I at home?
A fulltime wife, fulltime mother, fulltime housekeeper, fulltime driver (sending kakak and adik to nursery, part-time writer, part-time teacher (coaching kakak to read alphabetically or numerically - she seems to have tendency to skip certain alphabets and numbers), part-time cook, not forgetting full time nagging elder sister - I have three sisters, one married and the rest is going to get married, a hard-to-cope-with daughter to my ever patience mom, a reluctant daughter-in-law cum in-laws to my husband brothers and sister...etc. etc. etc. the social list will never end.

Apart from dividing myself into those two functions, who am I?

Leaving that question behind, I have other questions that keep pondering in my head. It is crystal clear that I'm not totally satisfied with my job - my performance to be exact. I feel the need to expand myself to another height. But where, what and when? My friend said, be patient until I finished my MA first before frog leaping to another colony. Good advice but I'm too stubborn to be patience. Yesterday I went to a big Bumiputera publishing company. During the visit, I have the audacity to ask for a vacancy. Being a reporter sounds good and the thought of it has been flying around my attention lately. But again he said, the job is not for me. If I want to leap to that industry, I should start being a journalist - writing features or analytical writing. Have I the confidence to do that? Hmm...realistic confidence, no but suicide confidence, yes. Since I'm married and have millions of commitment, I just cannot simply leap from place to place. The pay is the main reason why I cannot leapfrogging from one colony to others.

Pay versus satisfaction. This leads to another question and still did not anwer my first question. If I keep on writing about this, then there will be more questions that do not have anwers. Pity me. So I must stop now and finished my lunch before it's getting cold.